Fear – living with fear
Getting thru and over FEAR
Today I want to talk about Fear.
That thing that really holds us back.
ear is the most general term and implies anxiety and usually loss of courage. fear of the unknown dread usually adds the idea of intense reluctance to face or meet a person or situation and suggests aversion as well as anxiety.
If people didn’t feel fear, they wouldn’t be able to protect themselves from legitimate threats. Fear is a vital response to physical and emotional danger that has been pivotal throughout human evolution, but especially in ancient times when men and women regularly faced life-or-death situations.
However we often fear things that don’t really matter.
I am terrified because in 2 weeks I am getting up on a stage and modeling a bikini for a muscle competition.
I put myself here. But WOW is it scary.
Incandescent Tarot has a great spread on this.
For Card #1: The Hermit
Card #2: 9 of wands
Card #3: Reverse queen of cups
Card #4: 5 of wands
Card #5: Page of coins
For Card #1: This is my fear as it is which i drew the hermit. The Hermit invites you to retreat into your private world and experience a deep sense of seclusion and introspection. You know that you need to take this journey alone or with a small, intimate group of spiritually minded people. When you allow yourself to tune in to your inner, guiding light, you will hear the answers you need and grow wise beyond your years. Find your light, shine it on your soul and create your unique path. You will see what lies ahead of you – not miles upon miles, but enough to know where to step next. From there, take one step at a time. It definitely seems different than what I expected.
I am about to step on stage for my first Bikini Competition, and I am honestly terrified. What if I look fat? What if I look awful on stage? What if it looks like I didn’t train?! All these fears I know intellectually are dumb. Fat is a descriptor that is meaningless. The word fat has negative connotations that we assign it. Those perceived feelings are in our head. If I look awful on stage, oh well. I tried a hard thing. I know I won’t be perfect. That is life. It is ok to try and fail. The failing just feels so scary and hard. But I never grow unless I try. and I have been training. I have put in a lot of effort. Maybe it hasn’t been the right effort. Maybe I over trained? Maybe I didn’t lift heavy enough. But I exercise a lot as a trainer and I have really tried to do a good job. That is all I can do. I know all this but I am still also scared of that jump. Scared to step out on stage…. It seems impossible. What am I doing.
Drawing the Hermit here is actually like a hug from my tarot deck. I do need to relax and chill out. I gotta stop being so hard on myself. I am also very afraid of failing at my business. I am worried I am not enough. I fear that I am going to lose my support and my safety net. I feel overly reliant on my safety net as I am focused full time on my business and I no longer collect a paycheck from a company. And that is so freeing but also terrifying.
Card #2 The 9 of Wands…. This is the card of set backs, reminding us to find resilience. This card is an experience from the past that sheds light on the current situation. This card asks us to find resilience and maybe that is what I need to do right now. is just be ok with all the set backs. I do feel I have had set backs in my business. I launched 21 Day jump start. a course I spent 3 months creating and I had NO sign ups. I felt horrible and I just told myself it was a learning process and to try again. So I soft launched my 36 Course to see what people thought of it. And I am soft launching Summer Shred. I was hopping these new course would be more successful, we will have to wait and see what happens. I am so nervous. I feel that my dreams put me in these scary situations constantly. I am so thankful for the growth but I do feel like I often
Card #3 what my fear is telling me about my future…
When the reversed Queen of Cups shows up in a Tarot reading, you need to draw your attention inwards and focus on your emotional well-being. You’re great at taking care of others – but now it’s time to take care of YOU. This card suggests that you are emotionally drained because you have been so busy supporting others, but not yourself. You may need to set firm boundaries with your loved ones so that they know you love them but will not take on their emotional baggage. You can hold space for them, but ultimately, they are responsible for their feelings and life experience, and they need to go on their own journey to learn how to cope.
I do think I put myself in fearful situations to test my own convictions, prove I am worthy. I do feel this whole reading has been calling me out to be nicer to myself.
Card #4: 5 of wands – i often think of this card as the listening card. When conflict happens the best thing to do is listen without judgment. This is the insight – to hear when other congrats me for my success. Wow so powerful omg.
Card #5: Page of coins – something loving to do for yourself right now: The page of coins invites us to try something new. When the Page of Pentacles appears in a Tarot reading, you are tapping into your ability to manifest a personal goal or dream and may be in the midst of a new project such as a hobby, business venture, or the start of a new educational experience. You are excited about the possibilities and potential of what you put your mind to, knowing you can create whatever you want with focused intention and action.
I think it’s so cool I drew the Hermit for the theme of this reading.
If you’re feeling fearful, remember that sometimes turning and looking at the dragon and facing the scary thing, is the best way to overcome it.
If you are feeling fearful remember its ok to seek help. even if its just a hand to hold. That’s ok. I am going to my bikini competition with my best friend and my drinking buddy. Both of these people love me for me and are so proud of me. Having them to turn to during this scary moment, really makes it much less scary.
If you don’t have a hand to hold, remember you can always hold your own.
Whats your fear? Try this tarot spread. did it help?
get your black cat Tarot Deck HERE
Life can feel a little crazy sometimes but lets not forget that while we cannot always control what happens to us, we can control how we react.
A long time ago a guy told me after my 3rd car accident “why do you think all this bad stuff keeps happening to you? it must be your fault somehow. you must be letting it in. You must be inviting this negative energy.”
I was so stunned and hurt by this guys words.
I was trying my best. I was living paycheck to paycheck, I was struggling and it felt like the world was literally shitting on me.
I blocked him and was so angry.
Thinking back to that moment when I was at ANOTHER rock bottom, I was like how is this my fault.
And whatever you are going thru, it isn’t your fault. You are not inviting it.
Shit sometimes just happens.
It’s not IF you hit rock bottom it is WHEN. Life is gonna throw curve balls. We all have to know how to pick ourselves up and dust our selves off. This doesn’t feel easy in the moment. it sucks in the moment.
That is why I want to be your personal trainer. If you are my client I am on your team.
Build your team!
When and I seriously mean when you hit rock bottom, having a team is going to make it feel so much less lonely.
Have a best friend, a therapist, maybe a family member, a fitness coach, etc. all of us on your team are ROOTING for you. We will never meet each other but we all united by caring for you.
To hire me as you coach for ONE session a week starts at $50.
But every week at our time, I will check in on you. I will check in on your body, how are you sleeping, how are you feeling. maybe you have someone else check on you from your team the rest of the time, but if you need someone on your team I am here.
I would live to see you twice a week but $400 a month might not be in your budget right now.
Let’s talk, lets work something out. I have been at the bottom, lets keep you afloat babe.