Never miss a Monday… America today

I almost didn’t post this because I am mad. But fuck it, lets post it anyway.

this was from last year when i dislocated my elbow

America doesn’t deserve a birthday this year.

Between mass shootings constantly, to black people being picked off by cops  to the over turning of roe v wade.

What the fuck is going on?

Since the Roe v Wade decision I have found myself crying, having unnecessary breakdowns and freaking out.

I was trying to understand why this is effecting me so much and I felt I shouldn’t speak on it because I was SO emotional in my reaction.

But the more women I talk to its like oh, I am not alone.

We can debate the morality of abortion* and I astrik that because I am not a physician, I don’t know all the different types of abortions and whatever. So We can talk about the morality of you know you are pregnant and your not ready to mother that child what do you do. We can talk about well if its first trimester verse second trimester. Any abortions happening in the third trimester are definitely medically necessary so lets leave those out.

So if we sat down and looked at the morality of when a human life becomes viable on its own etc. but politicians you and me lay people that are not physicians should have no other opinion on a medical procedure.

That is what fathoms me is that if politicians are going to start playing the game of regulating what medical procedures they feel ok about…. Doesn’t that sketch you out?

I have been sexual abused, assulted, coerced you name it. But so has every woman. I know that being young and pretty comes at a cost.

Whether I am 13 and my brother friends forces me to put his penis in my mouth, I was the one slapped by my dad. My mother yelled at me and called me the slut. I was scared and felt forced into a sexual and uncomfortable situation I didn’t understand and I was the one who was punished, who was sex shamed because a 17 year old boy preyed on my naive and trusting 13 year old self. That instance was my fault. Thats what I was taught.

When I went on a date  with a police officer and took a sip of wine and did not remember the rest of the date and woke up naked in an alley with no memory and I tried to tell my coworkers what happened to me. They told me I shouldn’t have drank so much wine and that jesus was going to judge my slutty behavior. 

I can keep going with instances like this that have happened to me.

I was the victim of abuse and I was blamed for recieveing the abuse. Shamefully. 

What a slut I am.

last year with my dislocated elbow.

The reason the overturn of Roe v Wade scares me so freaking much is because I am not alone in my abuse. So many other women have been in my shoes and BLAMED for their abuse.

In a culture that celebrates rape and congraduates men for getting their kicks, you take away a womans ability to chose her own destiny.

What the actual fuck is going on.

I am not saying that if I had gotten pregnant in the instances where I was abused that I would have choosen an abortion, to be honest with you I probably wouldn’t get an abortion unless my life was at risk, but the option makes me feel a little bit of safety.

A little bit of safety in a world where I have been sexualized since I was 6 years old. 

I posted on facebook a meme that said “The new american dream, is to leave” and my native friend got very upset and she made a great point she said : “You’re a colonizer here, you’re going to be a colonizer anywhere you go” she is not wrong in a sense. To be a woman of color during these times is exceptionally terrifying. 

I have been trying to be sensitive, especially to the women of color. The handmaid’s tail motif seem so fitting but the handmaid’s tail is just a rewrite of things that are actually happening to women of color. And we need to remember that. I want to use my privilege for good or at lease use my privilege to let other talk.

I feel like unless I just shut up and be pretty I wont make it in todays world. I feel overcome with sadness,

And yes I am proud to be born an american. But I am not proud of how america treats its people of color, its women, its individuals with disabilities or how it treats its poor.

Land of the free if you’re wealthy ot white. 

Doesn’t feel very free.